Fall Faillery

Skiing and mountain literature, photos, and innovative media
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Diamond Dachshund
from The Future
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Fall Faillery

Post by Diamond Dachshund »

The last few weeks have been quite interesting in terms of new frontiers of fail attained. Here are some recent excerpts and photos from my adventures to nowhere lately. I have included an except of French writing about the bastards at the Torino refuge that kicked us out because we didn't have our CAF/CAI card with us. Prick tried to steal my ice axe so he could force me to sign a paper saying "I willingly turned down" his offer for free lodging. We are going to bury this motherfucker.

Ces derniers mois m’ont présentés l’occasion de participer à tout ce qui est échec. Ayant décidé de prendre un gros charge de crédits ce semestre afin de terminer mon Master en bon temps, je n’avais pas vraiment pensé aux aspects négatifs d’une perte de forme assez importante.

Bon, pas grave, il y a deux semaines j’ai repris contact avec Tom, l’accro d’alpinisme et sorties improbable anglo-américain qui une bonne partie d’entre vous connaissent trop bien. On a décidé de faire l’éperon de la Brenva, la sortie classique du coté Italien du Mont Blanc. Apres avoir monté à Chamonix, on a pris la benne vers midi. Tout allait bien jusqu'à la première longueur pour atteindre le refuge de la fourche.

Sur glace dure, grise, et pourrie, on montait précautionneusement, longueur après longueur, le soleil commençait à se coucher derrière les pentes mystérieuses à l’ouest. Me sentant très bien en forme, et motivé par l’ambiance remarquable, j’ai commencé a attaquer la première longueur. Puis, tout au coup, j’ai perdu mon sens d’équilibre, et m’en suis rendu compte qu’il fallait absolument descendre avant que je tombe sur cette putain de glace diabolique qui me fera rencontrer ma mort.

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Une fois qu’on est descendu, il faisait déjà nuit. Nous avions suivi le chemin au refuge Torino où on n’aurait jamais pu prédire quoi nous y attendrait. Le chemin long qu’on a suivi, m’a donné l’occasion de vomir quelques fois. Jolie. Ensemble on a essayé de fournir la somme d’argent requise pour passer la nuit dans cette sale prison située à 3200m d’altitude. Le vieux con gardant, nous avons dit qu’il les 36 euros qu’on avait (car on n'a pas pris notre carte CAF, grave), ne serait pas suffisant. Bon, ensuite, on a recommandé qu’il va se faire enculer et puis on est sortie du refuge.
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Heureusement, on se situait dans le chantier le plus haut de tout l’Europe (le nouveau Téléphérique Helbronner prevu pour l’année prochaine. En ce moment-la je me suis rendu compte qu’il y aurait probablement un sort de logement pour les ouvriers ou bien même les operateurs des remontées. Réparant la scène, Tom a trouvé une fenêtre que n’était pas fermé par clé, nous permettant de entrer le bâtiment chauffé ou nous pourrons passer la nuit en plein confort.
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These next few photos are from the last few days where my room mate Jean-Charles and I climbed an amazing 10 pitch route on the Aiguille du praz du torrent, right next to the Encrenaz in the Aiguilles Rouges of Chamonix. Excellent Sat morning hangover cure for both of us.

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skykilo
olikyks
from Santa Fe
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Re: Fall Faillery

Post by skykilo »

Looks like lucky lodging!

Good idea to hurry and finish your degree so you can GET A JOB.

Nothing about somebody falling on your head?

ryanl

Re: Fall Faillery

Post by ryanl »

I don't know how to say this without sounding old and patronizing but god damn you've
come along way in the short time I've known you!!! Seriously, so impressed. Way to go and please keep the stoke coming! That shot of the Verte and the Dru with the Dent du Geant off to the side is fantastic. Totally captures the essence of autumn.

ryanl

Re: Fall Faillery

Post by ryanl »

But I too am awaiting the fall on head story......

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Diamond Dachshund
from The Future
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Re: Fall Faillery

Post by Diamond Dachshund »

I tell you about the fall on the head story all right.

So it was a normal Thursday night, not unlike any others. Backwards-alphabet competitions, fencing practice, Lamborghini polo. My room mate, Jean-Charles Léon Baritaux (John-Charles angl.), proposed that we go to do some activities at the local climbing filth-pit with the incorporated geek orgy of the 'club montagne.'

Sure I said, why not. So we hopped into his Peugeot, along with six other amateurs des montagnes. Arriving to a perplexing scene of savages, I had never before seen a climbing gym so crowded and so isolated (literally built out of a 12th century farm house in the middle of no where). Whatever, let's just get this over with.

So I'm belaying Jean Charles on some climb when all of a sudden I wake up on the floor. I hear nothing but ringing and I have an insatiable thirst for cola.

Turns out he took a lead fall, from the 2nd bolt, and with the rope stretch, his leg landed on my head, causing me to instantly drop. I then dropped him ( I have no recollection of the actual events, this is what people told me happened).

He hit the ground rather hard and hurt his ankle. I awoke to him yelling in pain and a circle of Swiss around me trying to give me a belay lesson meanwhile I can barely figure out what fucking universe I'm in. Ringing in my head, I couldn't produce words in English or French, so I walked outside.

I came back, and the head "coach" of the climbing gym asks me to give her a belay demonstration. I then demonstrate flawless technique while trying to explain to the cunt-muffin that it wasn't my fault he fell on my head. Bitch then tries to tell my technique is wrong and is not up to "Swiss" standards. I told her that if I judged safety at a Swiss standard, not only would I be dead, but so would many others. Not to mention my outwear would be lame and my home cooking would suck.

Moral of the story: stick to Lamborghini polo.

ryanl

Re: Fall Faillery

Post by ryanl »

Thanks for the laughs Marq- a definite bright spot to the shit show of a day I'm having....

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