Elephants in the Cornfield

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DonJuanPakistan
Trippin' travellin'.
from Seattle, Washington
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Elephants in the Cornfield

Post by DonJuanPakistan »

To consider my tradition of posting a dry TR over at Turns out ima Queer and one with less good grammar over at Ski Indigestion, I bring you "Elephants in the Cornfield."

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Well, it started sometime ago, looking at Colfax while skinning past its threatening serac wall. "Definitely looks like there could be some good skiing in there," thinks the freaks. And then when I summited and skied with Betty Boost and Joe Schmoe a fortnight ago, the line popped out like a daydreaming 15 year-old boy in algebra class. A passage past the serac looker's right lent access to the suuuuper steep face clean out of danger to the side, with a neat exit back onto teh Colemans. It was virtually go-time on the damn thing, but we figured we'd better let'er settle before coming back to ring its bell.

Fast foward to yesterday, I invited E-$, thinking he must be done grading papers by now. "What are you gonna ski?" "Well can you go or not?" "No, I can't. Where you going?" "I'm not telling you, you'll either steal the idea or be pissed." "Fuck you where you going?" "Colfax sneaky n-side line." "Fuck you I've been wanting to ski that since you were in your daddy's cock." "Yeah I know, I made a voodoo doll out of pieces of your chest hair and had a palmist divine your ten most-coveted Cascadian descents." "Fuck you." "K, see you Friday."

So I called up good 'ol Louie Dawson, who hadn't skied for something like three weeks cause he's finishing school, last time was with Wherly on Rainier, in fact. Sounds like he might be going to work for some snowleapord-branded ski firm, maybe, but until then he'll be so poor he can't even afford to live in Lurie's attic.

So we met up at 4am, nearly at the trailhead, and up we went. Lots of groups pressure breathing their way up teh Colemen, skis on their backpacks.... Not sure why, isn't it safer to skin? The Elephant line on Colfax is cool -- first you can't see it all, then it looks totally fucked and exposed to the serac, then as you go beyond it and look back its like, "AHA! It goes!" But WHAT? There were two tracks in it! Faint but surely, two ski tracks from a day or two before. Oh well, lots of primo 50° face left for the schralping -- onwards!

We contemplated climbing it to poke the suspect icy snow between serac and rock wall but decided we would climb E ridge and downclimb/belay/shenanigan our way to it if need be. I don't know why I've been climbing up the goddamn Roman Wall all these years, Colfax is a way beautiful summit and climb. We both had to shit and choose the snowcrust dinnerplate off the 1000' cliffs to the Deming Glacier technique. And with that out of the way, it was like "well there's only one thing left to do." We dropped in and skied cautiously through the reallysteep crux gully thing past the ice cliff. It was all good. And then the orgasming part.

Don't get me wrong, its not the biggest line, something like 1,000' is all from the top to teh Colemans. But the steepness of the face, the position above teh Colemang, across from Baker cone, and next to the massive Colfax icecliff, plus the absurd, XXX, A+, whatever goddamn superfluous overexagerated adjective you can throw at it corn snow just blew all my circuits. I don't know if I'd ever skied snow that steep and that good. It was return your merino-blend undies to REI-good.

We reconvened on teh Colemans next to a man taking a nap in the clear outrun of the icecliff shit path, a couple hundred feet past a recent rubble deposition. We gently suggested he relocate. Our day continued up to the tippy top of the Thunder Glacier Headwall. I don't know why I've been skiing teh Colewoman all these years, this shit is sick! The headwall was icy as fuck and steeper'n shit, serious business for serious professionals, but we skied it anyway cause we wanted to get onto the Thunder Glacier before it got sticky. Our haste resulted in more adults-only corn harvest on the glacier and on down and so on. Slight ski penetration, big 'ol corn grains, an ultra-fast, water-lubricated glacial ice surface just beneath -- the skiing experience was so lucid it was like there was some powerful halucenogen involved. One could feel utmost control over every micrometer of the arc of every turn, making adjustments to your speed, arc, penetration ect was a matter of thought, not action. You could have skied this shit without bindings.

And so on to the bottom.

Long skinng up to the top of Grouse/Ptarmagin nob and a schmooie but fun exit to tha creek. Gawd.

Climbers pressure breathing on the Easton.
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Topping out.
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That one part.
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And I'm ready for the weeknd. edit Louie is in this image but got cropped on the right, i'll fix it later.
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A crappy picture of a good Thunder.
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skykilo
olikyks
from Santa Fe
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Re: Elephants in the Cornfield

Post by skykilo »

Nice. I always wanted to ski those, but never did. Carry on, children of the corn!

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huevón
are we there yet?
from el mundo
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Re: Elephants in the Cornfield

Post by huevón »

Looks like some fantastic and premier skiing. Love the classic blue-brown ice pr0n!
What did the elephant say? How do you even spell that?? :x

ryanl

Re: Elephants in the Cornfield

Post by ryanl »

Quite possibly my new all time favorite TR.

Two edits:
1)Wehrly has no chest hair. He hasn't even reached puberty yet
2)The only rent I charged Louie was the price of a week-long parking stint at Seatac he had to pay when I failed to retrieve his truck after he'd left to visit his folks. I couldn't find the key under the chassis because he'd left it where he'd shown me it would be. I still feel bad about that one. If you read this Louie, I'm still sorry.

E_$
imminent whippage

Re: Elephants in the Cornfield

Post by E_$ »

hahaha hilarious tr, solid skiing

"that one part", i like the indirect description; evokes the point of maximum uncertainty

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